Work / Life Balance

Its hard enough when you work for yourself or work from home to maintain the discipline to switch off and actually stop thinking about work or checking your emails on your blackberry when you're out with friends or a partner. But when you do this sort of work from home it's even more difficult, it's something that most people only do behind closed doors with a partner (and may be a few select people depending on how "out there" you are.) It puts a real strain on things no matter how strong your relationship is, no matter how supportive your partner is and somehow it does need to be put in a box at the end of the day and switched off, not left on standby with a blinking red light in the corner of the room like some sort of evil goggle-box.

I know that I wouldn't be able to do this without the support of my partner, who picks me up on my off-days and gives me the kick up the butt that I need on my lazy days, but I do feel guilty that perhaps I'm not there for him as much as I should be if it's been a particularly hard day and I've had a client who has pushed my limits (it does happen both ways) and I'm exhausted and ratty and stressed out. Or when I am so pissed off that my blood is boiling and I need to let rip I tend to snap at him and I know I want to stop and can see myself doing it but just can't seem to shut-up.

Not only that but it's hard to talk about this kind of thing with any of one's "normal" friends for fear of shocking them, the disapproval factor does count and some people you just know would not approve or understand. So it's a double-life of sorts, two personas or in my case three in one body, me, the sub, and the domme - get's quite crowded in my head at times. And as much as my partner is my rock, I do feel at times that I am demanding too much support, or needing it rather.

This eats into personal time so often...and it's really hard to stop it from doing so. That said, I had never thought it possible to have a relationship in this kind of work, and with each and everyday that I stick with this job, I am monumentally grateful to have someone so special by my side to help me through the crappy bits, the boring bits and the downright maddening bits.