Going offline

I am going to be taking this offline and only making my posts available on an invitation only basis for a while.

Bye x

Phew!

Well just this week to go now and then a month's break from work, an enforced holiday period while I convalesce. So it's a fairly busy week sorting things out and trying to fit in clients around my "normal" life and all the stuff I have going on. At least the weather looks set to improve so I can spend some serious time working on the sun-tan if nothing else in the coming weeks!!

Our MPs need a sound spanking!

In light of recent expenses scandals and the apparent ability for MPs to stay on as our representatives when they have "given" the cash they ostensibly knicked back I have to praise this call on the part of Gordon Roddick the co-founder of the bodyshop for disgraced MPs to be able to be recalled. The idea is that we the people can effect change..so I urge you all to sign up and support 38 degrees. Here

Waiting...

I've been waiting for about nine months now, to find out what the hell is going on in my body. It started with a dodgy smear test result, that prompted a more regular smear, which prompted a referral for a colposcopy and another smear and now I'm waiting again, only its the last few hours of waiting to find out what the pathology lab have to say about the biopsies as they have already confirmed the result of the last smear, which matched the previous one. One phonecall is all I'm waiting on and in the meanwhile my mind is racing.

I've been the independent, career, lifestyle type for the last god knows how long and despite friends and even family getting all broody and popping sprogs around me the urge to reproduce has been negligent verging on non-existent up until the last few weeks when the idea of the choice being taken away from me has become more real and that's what I think I don't like about this whole situation, that and the fact that I'm fundamentally not in control, some strange cells on my cervix hold the key to what happens next and there is sweet fuck all I can do about it.

Sure I realise that it may need nothing more than one treatment to remove the cells, and then the chances are they won't come back, but it's hell waiting to find out. The tears keep welling, the bad dreams won't stop coming and the regrets of past decisions made keep jumping up and biting me. I am strung out and possibly the worst type of patient as I have no patience and keep watching the minutes tick by till I think I can reasonably call again, I think everyone in the departments I call now recognise not just my name but my number.

Either way it's going to effect my earning power to some extent as I'm going to have to take some time off as I'm a wuss and have opted to have any treatment done under a general anaesthetic..partly as I'm not into that sort of pain and partly because I'd rather not be aware of my own lack of dignity. And yes that bothers me somewhat, but I can plan for that eventuality, I can control that part of the effect of all this. I can't seem to get my head around the rest of it though. It's a bit like looking down the barrel of a gun and not knowing if it's loaded, or if it is what it's loaded with, blanks, rubber bullets or the one with my name on - and that is what is really bothering me - I just don't know, not a nice position to be in when you're a control freak as I am. I had a dream last night that the guy in the path lab was the one with the box of bullets and an engraving set - talk about fucked up.

Clearly this is pissing about with my mood so I'm off to do something divertionary for a while longer before I can call and chase again.

Redressing the Balance

There are plenty of sites out there where "punters" can review escorts but I have yet to see one where escorts can review clients without the threat of being kicked off/ barred or shouted down or simply silenced for fear of losing income.

Friday night I was booked to see a client from 8pm, who was coming in from Paris now I don't tend to work past 5pm on a friday as I thoroughly enjoy my nights out and hold the time that I have with my boyfriend to be of paramount importance so it was unusual of me to accept it but I had accepted it nonethless and had a lengthy email conversation with the punter in question. (Yes silly me I hadn't spoken to him on the phone.)

But it closed in on 7.30pm and at that stage he should have checked into his hotel, now armed with his email address and the name of the hotel I was able to establish that he was expected at the hotel, but had as yet not checked in... well there are always delays when you travel so nothing out of the ordinary there and it was past the time when you can cancel your hotel room and not forgoe the cash so one can only assume that he has been held up, so I left a message with reception for him to call me when he did arrive, not wishing to trek across town and sit about in a hotel bar for hours on my own. Reasonable behaviour would, I thought, result in a call from him once he checked in perhaps to see if it was still a possibility for me to visit, or to apologise for wasting my time etc etc...

Well it's now Monday and that call never came in and where can I rate him? Nowhere... apart from here of course where he scores an earth shatteringly low zero for being a rude, ignorant timewaster. And yes in hindsight I should have inisted on a phone call to confirm the booking, but I would really like to let other people know about the timewasters, and may be that way we as the angry union could not only improve the way this business works by being able to take more control - a three strikes and you're out policy might be nice, but also at the same time the punters who are reliable and safe would have a better time as they wouldn't be tarred with the same brush as a great many of the losers out there who have zero respect for our time and efforts.

A Change of Scenery

The same four walls can get a little dull, so I'm off out of London to the southwest for 24hours to take in what Bristol has to offer... back to town on Thursday and then the business of getting ready for the party launches gets going in earnest so a busy few days to come.

What's in a name?

I keep being asked where I am from, and granted I am hardly that pale and interesting to pass immediately as English, and my cheekbones are a little on the slavic side, rest assured that I am British and that I do in fact write my own posts and website copy.

The reason that I picked the name that I did when I decided to go pro, was perhaps a little perverse, but not an indication of my provenance or nationality. Yes Alina is a Romanian name, but given that it was also the name of an ex-colleague of mine with whom I have to admit to their being no love lost with, it did appeal to me in a darkly comedic way to use her name instead of the one I was given at birth.

And yes, she may never know, but that doesn't really matter to me, I know and it fills me with a rather warm sense of glee everytime I utter it and smile inwardly to myself. Revenge is sweet even when the other person doesn't know about it, may be particularly when they don't know and would never suspect either.

Now some of you may think this incredibly childish and to you I say who wants to be grown-up? All that being grown-up brings are the unattractive things in life like bills and alarm clocks and far too much responsibility. I'm quite happy being me, myself and Alina.

Did you know I am psychic?

No neither did I but it would appear that lots of people either think that I am or have me confused with Mystic Meg, so as the saying goes if you can't beat them join them I may from here on out start providing psychic readings* and this weeks winning lottery numbers** as I am sick to death of turning all this bullshit work down.

Not only am I supposed to know who everyone is before they identify themseves on the telephone, (yes my phone somehow has to have EVERYONE's number pre-programmed) but I am also supposed to know what everyone's kinks are without them even mentioning them or giving me the slightest clue. I mean FFS! How on earth am I supposed to know that you like your feet bare/stockinged/reeking to high heaven without you telling me you inanne gibbon?? Can we not at least play charades first? That would provide at least the tiniest bit of amusement in a "Rolf Harris - can you guess what it is yet?" style....

Oh and while on this subject...or a related one at least...if your kink doesn't do anything for me and I speak to you respectfully and politely to say as much do the same in return...manners see all comes back to manners and they for one should not be affected by the global economic downturn as they my darlings are still free!!! So use them! Or if you don't have any, I can teach you some... for a fee!

*no responsibility is taken for the accuracy or interpretation of any readings, and no responsibility is taken for your actions.
** no responsibility is taken in regard to any losses you may or may not incur as a direct or indirect result

Shocking!

I was in a particularly bold mood last night, and chatting away to a couple in a bar while out with my partner...decided to answer the "What do you do?" question with some brutal honesty. Well the pair of them nearly fell off their chairs to begin with and then voiced total shock and suprise and disbelief at which point I was foiled by flash and the inability of the iphone to display flash websites. Darn it!

Either way, it amused me greatly and they sure as hell won't forget their first date!

Work / Life Balance

Its hard enough when you work for yourself or work from home to maintain the discipline to switch off and actually stop thinking about work or checking your emails on your blackberry when you're out with friends or a partner. But when you do this sort of work from home it's even more difficult, it's something that most people only do behind closed doors with a partner (and may be a few select people depending on how "out there" you are.) It puts a real strain on things no matter how strong your relationship is, no matter how supportive your partner is and somehow it does need to be put in a box at the end of the day and switched off, not left on standby with a blinking red light in the corner of the room like some sort of evil goggle-box.

I know that I wouldn't be able to do this without the support of my partner, who picks me up on my off-days and gives me the kick up the butt that I need on my lazy days, but I do feel guilty that perhaps I'm not there for him as much as I should be if it's been a particularly hard day and I've had a client who has pushed my limits (it does happen both ways) and I'm exhausted and ratty and stressed out. Or when I am so pissed off that my blood is boiling and I need to let rip I tend to snap at him and I know I want to stop and can see myself doing it but just can't seem to shut-up.

Not only that but it's hard to talk about this kind of thing with any of one's "normal" friends for fear of shocking them, the disapproval factor does count and some people you just know would not approve or understand. So it's a double-life of sorts, two personas or in my case three in one body, me, the sub, and the domme - get's quite crowded in my head at times. And as much as my partner is my rock, I do feel at times that I am demanding too much support, or needing it rather.

This eats into personal time so often...and it's really hard to stop it from doing so. That said, I had never thought it possible to have a relationship in this kind of work, and with each and everyday that I stick with this job, I am monumentally grateful to have someone so special by my side to help me through the crappy bits, the boring bits and the downright maddening bits.

Supply and Demand, Market Economics

I know the media would have us all believe that the end of the world is pretty damn nigh, what with the credit crunch and now swine flu. Although that said swine flu (apart from of course the people who have it) did strike me as quite a positive media spin compared to Gordon Brown on Youtube looking like a fool.

But what really confuses me, and please feel free if you have the answer to pop it on a postcard, is why when the price of bread or milk is only ever going one way, despite all this talk of credit crunches. Then why is it that the price that escorts are charging is going down? And don't try to tell me that demand is down... oh no... come on we all know that blokes will give up bread or milk before they give up sex, and tescos isn't decrying a dairy lake in cheshunt yet - or did you, like me, miss that story?

So... please tell me why the guys advertising their "wants" are dropping their prices faster than a whore's knickers? And expecting the moon on a stick for the princely sum of..wait for it.... £30 an hour in some cases and I am not talking about meeting someone just off the train in King's Cross here. I have a theory, but sadly it makes me sound like a Daily Mail reader...which I am most definitely not..that paper I wouldn't even wrap my chips in for fear of the poisonous ink polluting my potato-based treats. But having spent a fair old while looking at the pages where you can find such things out, it would seem that yes they are coming here and taking our jobs lol. And although market forces should dictate that if the punters were not offering enough to get the goods, they'd have to up their offer....with this influx the median price in fact dips. If only there were a union of sorts or even a fricking cartel we the workers could set the prices and make them fair, rather than this total farce where the sisterhood are all undercutting each other and would be far better off just saying mate you are having a giraffe if you think I'm going to do that for anything less than reasonable money. And I wouldn't have to rant about it.

The Spanking Salon

Not entirely happy without being super busy, I'm launching some new spanking parties on the London party scene, given that there are a very limited number of bdsm/fetish related parties out there. Starting small and hoping to build them up to once a week and then incorporate salons just for submissive men as well as you guys seem to have been completely ignored on the party market (correct me if I am wrong here.)

It's taken quite a lot of work to get to this stage and will I am sure take up quite a lot of my time going forward, but, and this is something that is really close to my heart, having looked at the way the other parties out there are run, which quite frankly I think is disrespectful of the girls who give up their time to take part...I am going to be doing it on a profit share basis, so that all the "spankees" share the takings after the overheads are taken into account. Which I hope will be much fairer than the majority of parties out there, where the organisers cream off the profits and the girls get paid in the region of £175 to £250 for a 3 hour party.

So and clearly I was going to plug them... if you're interested.. click on the link below!

The Spanking Salon

Bad Dominatrix

Someone posted this on one of the message boards I read on a regular basis, and thankfully this was just what I needed to raise a smile this morning.

My preferred writing medium

Four Fingers

Neither...my favourite way of writing is with my nails on my boyfriend's back...

Old fashioned good manners go an awfully long way.

I know that I have been thinking a lot about timewasters these past few days, and I might add had some really useful feedback when I've popped up ranting on various boards about it. But I am starting to think that it's not really anything to do with BDSM, or the industry as a whole...it's more fundamental than that. This is all about manners and respect for people's time, awareness of a world that doesn't revolve around the self.

I don't know if anyone else was told "manners are free" but I certainly hold by that, it costs nothing to say please and thank you, nothing to be courteous and give up a seat on a bus or tube to someone more in need of it than yourself, nothing to play your music at a lower level late at night when you might disturb your neighbours, or to put your litter in the bin rather than throwing it in the street. And these little things are all things that without much thought can be come a good habit, rather than a conscious effort. It actually downright saddens me that a growing proportion of the population both online and in the real world, and particularly in the situations where the two meet, seem to forget any good habits and start to behave in such a way as to become obnoxious and dare I say it quite arrogant in the assumption that when no one is looking on - no one else exists. So you can say what you like, do what you like and because its just other people who gives a flying monkey?

See I wouldn't mind if a client called with an extraordinarily elaborate excuse as to why they couldn't make a session with me - so long as they did actually do so...heavens above real life happens and things need to be dealt with so yes of course sometimes plans change. But these are people who I dare say are perfectly polite and courteous in everyday life, probably thank the cashier in sainsburys, or hold a door open for the next person entering or leaving behind them. And yet when it comes to keeping an appointment with me all this goes out the window and I am expected to just shimmer off into the distance of the ether without any need for a by your leave, or in some cases any contact at all. Now yes there are some people who do get in touch but I would say that the majority of them are not newcomers to this and extend courtesies to everyone they come across. And yes I can fully understand that you might be nervous about coming to see me, particularly if it is a first time, and have cold feet about it or even decide that it is something best kept as fantasy for now, I would even respect someone for saying "actually, do you know what, I have decided that I'd rather see someone else" but to simply drop all communication and disappear is I am afraid the height of bad manners.

I can see why some Dommes insist on a nominal deposit - something small enough as to be reasonable but significant enough as to deter people from welching on an appointment. You see we have to prepare and do some work for each appointment, so that you get the most you can from us in that session, and many Dommes don't see multiple clients in a day - you might have several things on that day, we have quite possibly turned down many things to honour the commitment we have made to spend time with you and it doesn't cost more than a text, an email or a quick call with a couple of hours notice to extend the courtesy that you would to anyone else to us...do you know what we might even respect you for it.

What my shoes say about me

Well I have on my snakeskin heels, with the very fine heel which might indicate something against reptiles, or may be just a penchant for snakeskin quite frankly all they say to me is... I'm at work.

The bareback phenomenon

I am constantly surprised/shocked/disgusted by the proliferation of punters and escorts alike offerring and seeking bareback sex. Now I grew up petrified of contracting HIV or AIDS and simply can't comprehend how someone, no matter how hard up or strapped to find business can possibly contemplate allowing a perfect stranger to have unprotected sex with them, even if it means an extra £50 along the way. I don't think there is anything that would be enough of an incentive to persuade me to even consider it, let alone give it any real amount of thinking time.

But there are 100's of girls who do, on a daily basis, and punters who request it online everyday...despite the fact that last year alone 7,400 people a day contracted HIV last year. With figures like that surely there's got to be a higher chance of contracting HIV than there is of picking the winning numbers in the lottery?? The even scarier thing is that half of that number are under 24 years of age... an entire generation seems to have grown up without a clue to the danger, and quite frankly I don't accept a man saying "oh but sex is better without" - no sorry fuck that! Sex is better if you're healthy and stay healthy, not if you're playing russian roulette with the cock that this currently attached to the wallet that you're trying to earn a share of.

The sickest thing is that people are not even shy about asking for bareback sex, even in the swinging community there seems to be an obsession with it, if the chatrooms are anything to go by it's rife and not just among the stereotypical idea that many people have of swingers (you know what I mean, the balding, potbellied late middle-aged men with their brassy wives) but among the growing number of early twenties sexperiementalists that are out there as well. Clearly given what I do I'm not a prude, but I cannot for a second begin to contemplate what possesses these significantly sizeable portions of the population to gamble with their health.

And yes I know some people swear that they are "certificated" (terrible word) and thoroughly clean, etc , etc, but people have fake ID, why trust any other piece of paper presented to you? But what puzzles me the most is that when you question anyone who proclaims outwardly to support the practice, they tend to go deathly quiet, clam up and refuse to discuss it with you - I dare you ...try it.. wander in to a chatroom somewhere and raise the question in a suitable room and you will be frozen out. I'd put money on it.

Does anyone out there have a reason that can really back up the decision? Or am I perhaps not so wrong in supposing that this is one of the least respectful acts anyone could ask someone to perform.

Female Dominants as Porn Delivery

One thing that has really begun to niggle is the number of men out there claiming to be submissive, but when push comes to shove and they make an appointment to see a Pro-domme they are the ones who want to stipulate, right down to the very last detail what will happen or not happen in a session. Now don't get me wrong they are paying for the service in the same way that they would to see an escort so to some extent yes the consumer has the right to stipulate much as they would with a tailor what they want to receive in exchange for their dinari.

But..and this is quite a large but.. if they were truly submissive surely they would be saying things like "it's entirely up to you"..."I just wish to serve" etc etc...instead of "oh I'd like this, that, the next thing, for you to be wearing x,y and z, oh and then I want you to do this to me, and then I want you to force me to do that..." most of the time the scenarios that I get emailed would not look out of place in really bad porn, alongside the pizza delivery boy at the door with the "XXX sausage pizza" or the plumber who is far more interested in her waterworks than her sink. You get the picture?

I do wonder what these guys label themselves as submissive for, when truth be told they just want to be able to script a scene and have someone act it out on them. BDSM is perhaps becoming the victim of its own recent success and popularity, the watering down and trickle to the high street shops instead of the more underground and suspicious thing it once was. Just about every twentie-something on a dating site seems to proclaim a tendancy towards kink and kinkiness is now no longer dark and intriguing when you can get it in Ann Summers.

As a switch, and sub to my dominant partner, I wouldn't unless asked expect to have input into a scene, I take orders and even if I am not wholely comfortable with something because it's pushing my limits I know I have to at least try it. I certainly would not expect to be allowed to dictate and script something that basically resulted in my pleasure and my other half simply being the method of delivery. Yes you could argue that if I was paying him I might have the right to, but for me submission is about giving those rights up willingly and sometimes less willingly of course, but giving them up none the less. Placing myself under his control and trusting him to keep me safe while challenging me, and making sure that he also enjoys and gets pleasure from the session or scene.

All I see from the pseudo-subs that contact me is a collection of emails that leave me for the most part completely cold and wondering why they don't just ask a more vanilla woman to pop on an outfit and act the role. Because really they want to play games rather than actually experience submission at the hands of a dominant female.

Some of course are genuine...but I would have to say that it can only be 1 in 10, and that is a figure influenced I am sure by the sun shining in the window and lightening my mood.

I'm all for the global economy.......

But... not if it means having to come across little shits like I have in the last 24hours....

I got an email from a site that I use, from a little submissive Indian fellow who claimed to want a daily session of two hours for the remainder of this month and all of next... well fine but that's a lot of work and having offerred him a discount on my normal rate I was expecting to see him yesterday morning for his first session. Well hey presto guess who didn't turn up and proceeded to tell tales about his boss suddenly needing him...hmm and he couldn't text to say so?

Anyway I gave him the benefit of the doubt and agreed to see him later in the day only this time when he called me 10 mins before the session was due to start it was to tell me that he was in negotiations with another domme for a significantly smaller sum which would have effectively left her working for 60 hours at for £2000 ....seems a little ridiculous to me as that equates to all of £33.33 an hour... now that to me sounds (a) highly unlikely and (b)so bargain basement that all he deserves for that is an inflatable doll in leathers with a mechanical whip. Or may be I should have outsourced it to India, only he said there were no strong women in India... another complete load of bollocks but par for the course from the little worm of a man.

So anyway I have just had yet another amusing interlude on msn and email with this little chappy in which he effectively accused me of being a street whore... (hmm me thinks he has a very strange idea of pricing for an accountant) and all English women of being after his foreign currency. Well he's certainly not in Mumbai now is he toto?

I do so hate the arrogance of jumped up little pricks like him, who think that it is perfectly acceptable to try and screw you out of the cash which this service commands, and then to waste your time, not once but twice in a day. Quite what his idea of compensation for 4 hours of time wasted would be I would love to but will never know... it certainly wasn't going to be a fair one.

The funniest part is he has the highest opinion of himself going that I have ever come across in a submissive male... christ alone knows which rock he dragged himself out from underneath but I sincerely hope that for those of us in this industry he hops a plane back underneath it as soon as possible.

And should I ever have the displeasure of him crossing my path again...boy oh boy he'd better hope I can't hit a moving target with high heels on!

Advice for male subs

I just took a call from a submissive man who clearly needs an education which given the fact that it is a really simple premise is probably something that all men should know.

Dress sizes - they are there for a reason...and it's not just so that we can give you a number, although male minds do seem so obsessed by digits... your waist size, your hip size, your bust size, your dress size, your phone number - jesus I am sometimes suprised we haven't all got bar codes so that you men can wander about with little bar code readers to your little hearts content!!!

Anyway dumbo called and asked if he would be able to come for a session of domination and submission and would it be ok for him to be dressed as a school girl...well of course it would be, apart from the fact that most men are about as convincing as Britney Spears as Jo Brand was in Comic relief.... I have no issue with it - it's his kink.

But to suggest that he was a size 14-16 Uk dress size and then to ask if I would be able to provide him something from my wardrobe...myself being a 10 is a complete joke. Size 10 is not and has never meant to be worn by a size 16 - the clue is there in the numbers man!!!
I do not want some biffa stretching my clothes...and I don't happen to have old knickers that you can stretch either - lingerie is not cheap and is also not designed to be worn by the wrong number.... simple lesson really stick to your size and buy your own clothes! Oh and we are not all like Bridget Jones.

Wake up smell the coffee and do the math!

Canned Cane

I've been working on marketing stuff and found a few sites to list on - one brought me a client the other day.....just in from abroad who wanted to cane me...well what a fucking waste of time.... I'm not a morning person but had got up, showered, dressed all by 10.30 for this guy. The cane was getting an unusual first outing with a first time client, but the trepidation was all in vain.

He walked in, I made some pleasantries found out a little about him and then he asked to see the canes..so I showed him through and if he could have turned his nose up any further he'd have been able to sniff his own bum... "Is that the only cane you have?" well blow me the damn thing hurts enough...but seems his lordship has a thing for rattan only...and promptly left... not once when we had spoken on the phone had he asked about the cane...only when he arrived. Silly arse would have saved himself a journey and me the effort of getting up if he had only been clearer about his sodding fetish for rattan in the first place.

Needless to say I was put out about it and 30mins later thought of the line I should have come out with in response to his glib put-down of my cane... something along the lines of I could buy more canes but he'd always be a slightly greasy looking accountant! Git!

1001 ways with Butternut Squash

and this was really not one of the ones in that book.

A submissive male, a bit of a scamp mind you as he wasn't really after a pro-domme as much as he just wanted an audience for his exploits, asked me if I would be prepared to watch him progress from a coke can to a butternut squash up his chocolate whizz-way. Well as intrigued as I was, I can't be doing with giving away freebies so if anyone spots his efforts on youtube or youporn or anywhere in fact - send me a link I feel outdone!

In the meanwhile I'll stick to roasting mine I think lol.

I demand That 1 million dollars that Maggie Mason was giving away..but that exact one mind

That 1 million dollars that Maggie Mason was giving away..but that exact one mind

A year's supply of Dr Pepper

A new toothbrush

The option to change my mind at any time.

Reading 'screw the roses send me the thorns' opened my eyes

This was my first introduction to bdsm

New Beginnings

Well it's funny how things happen, in the right place at the right time, who you bump into you know the type of thing..and then there's how do you pay your bills...fund the lifestyle, retain your independence in the face of this media crazed credit crunch..well my answer has been to become a pro-domme or dominatrix.

Quite a shock to some of the people that know me and a complete and utter secret it will remain to others, I don't plan for Russell Brand and Jonathan Ross to be ringing my grandfather, although that said they'd have a bloody hard job, he's not exactly in the phone book!

But a few days into this money making project and I have a website, I've been contacted by an army of submissive men and made two bookings now all for free. It's quite hard to find out where to advertise though...and at a low cost.. already been turfed off alt.com overnight and just after I'd made the effort to fill out their bloody kink questionnaire... bastards seem to think they should be the only ones to make any money out of bdsm.

It's so often said that bdsm is all about the journey and if someone had asked me when I was first introduced to it years ago, with a please read this book by my then boyfriend, if I could have seen myself as a pro-domme, well firstly I'd have had to ask what the hell a pro-domme was and then probably laughed like a drain at the thought of little submissive me ever switching. But a lot has changed since my early twenties, a lot of water has gone under the bridge, taking some people with it..some I can't say I miss, while others I would love to be able to tell about where I am now and can't.

And as I embark on this next part of my life I do wonder how the hell I got here....was it chance, a series of coincidences, or was I always going to head in this direction given the things I have done and the people that I have encountered up till now. Don't get me wrong I don't have a litany of regret and what if's more a healthy curiosity at the way that things turn out and this to me is a bit like suddenly discovering that the earth is not flat, or that boats don't fall off the edge of the world. This is challenging myself and realising that I can do it, and best of all that I can enjoy it and make some money from it along the way too.